


i only find one solace in my trouble

by newct127



Category: NCT (Band), SuperM (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Falling In Love, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, I Don't Even Know, I'm Bad At Tagging, Idiots in Love, Love at First Sight, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pining, Slice of Life, i made nct members good at languages, i should tag this as fantasy too just cause of that, i'm sorry for not enough jungwoo, i'm sorry for not enough of most of them but jungwoo especially, oooh my boy going to school fuck it up kenneth. kenneth fuck it up., tagging superm cause i wouldn't be here without them, they're all gay so i can get over this fucking crush i have on all of them, they're all soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:47:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23411134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newct127/pseuds/newct127
Summary: A day spent with bubbly, kind-eyed Mark Lee has Jaehyun's world on fire.
Relationships: Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Mark Lee, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Nakamoto Yuta/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 18
Kudos: 152





	i only find one solace in my trouble

**Author's Note:**

> this was supposed to be 7k of pining.  
> but i’m in isolation, working from home, my sinuses are going crazy cause the weather keeps changing and cause of fucking pollen and house dust, and on top of that i can barely move cause i have inflamed sciatica. i had to fucking do something. voila this.  
> full disclosure, i'm new to the fandom. i pulled a whole lot more than i should've out of my ass, but it's au fanfiction so does it even matter too much???  
>   
> i hope you enjoy it. thanks for reading. and don’t forget to wash your hands.  
>   
> the title is from il canzoniere by francesco petrarcha, poem 282. you can read the entire poem [here.](https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Italian/PetrarchCanzoniere245-305.php#anchor_Toc11496189)  
>   
>   
> update (april 17th): the formatting of some necessary line breaks had failed me, so i went back and reinstated them for a better context.  
> 2nd update (may 2nd): i got scolded by my friend that i don't know how to tag so i cleaned up the pairing tags.

Jaehyun always assumed that once he got to college he was going to become a confident gay. He also assumed that he already had become a confident gay. His assumption was mostly based on his first day in college and his first Italian Lit class.

It was stupid, really. And had he had a choice, he wouldn’t have said anything. But it was his first day in college ever, and with a professor he was going to have all four years. So he played along, that was all any of them could do.

“Why do you want to study the Italian language?” the professor had asked, and she was going around expecting answers from each student, putting each and every one on the spot.

Cause I have a crush on Marco Mengoni didn’t seem like a good enough answer, even though that was Jaehyun’s real reason, beside the fact that he was good at languages and had no other idea as to what he could major in. Instead of any of that, when his turn came he said something he actually pretty lame. Lamer than he thought it was at the time.

“I’d like to be able to read Francesco Petrarca’s poems in their original form.”

The class filled with murmurs and chatter, as it did after every answer, but with Jae there was something else too. Laughter almost, more of a tone of mockery in the auditorium.

As the noise died down, few voices were heard with statements he could barely make up. All until the last one.

The last statement that Jaehyun, and all the others in the auditorium heard, were the words _he_ _’s gay_ in what, looking back at it now, was a cheerful tone. Not the condescending one Jae was used to.

That was when his confident gay moment happened.

“Yeah, I am. What about it?” he returned, a wanton response really. He then turned around to where the voice came from and was met by a petite fellow Korean with a startled look on his face.

“Nothing,” the guy returned, swallowing before adding, “I’m just glad I found my people in this class.

That’s how Jaehyun met Taeyong, it was the first interaction in many that led to them being inseparable friends. And that’s why he thought he was a confident gay now, because he didn’t feel like hiding it anymore.

Little did he fucking now.

  


* * *

  


Because there he was, in the middle of sophomore year, sitting on a chair behind an information stall, panicking because of a most likely straight high school senior with the most beautiful smile he had ever seen.

  
  


He didn’t volunteer, matter of fact, he specifically said no. But by then his ridiculously strict Italian Lit professor had put herself into a mentor position with him, and she apparently knew better and signed him up even though he didn’t want to do it.

“All you’ve been doing this year has been studying and writing papers in the coffee shop with the good cherry pie. You need to get out more, Jae, meet new people. Besides, it’s just an afternoon, and it’ll get you out of classes. A zero sum game in my opinion.”

And so, Jaehyun was put in charge of answering questions and giving a tour to any of the students that were visiting the college on the open day that might be interested in majoring in Italian. Great. Awesome. That seemed like something right up his alley.

He never did extremely well with large crowds, only somewhat okay, and he worried about that a lot. But on the open day itself there wasn’t a crowd. A few people stopped by to ask questions, but none of them seemed to be interested in a tour.

Except for one kid.

  


* * *

  


“Hi. I’m Mark Lee. I was told that you could give me a tour of the Italian Language department.”

In the two minutes of them talking about a potential tour Jaehyun deducted one thing about Mark. He giggled at everything. What was bad about that was that every time Mark giggled, Jae’s stomach exploded from fucking butterflies. It was goddamn ridiculous.

He wasn’t sure what it was about Mark. He had literally just met the guy. Was he easy on the eye? Absolutely, and Jaehyun wasn’t blind. But it was something else. Probably the way Mark carried himself. Confident, but not forcefully so. Definitely happy, bubbly all throughout their interaction. Not to mention Mark’s eyes, so freaking soft and kind.

Whatever it was, Jae was kind of glad that it was just this afternoon, and not longer than that. He would have a harder time doing longer than that.

“Would you like to go to some classes, sit in for a bit?” he offered and watched as Mark’s face lit up at that.

“I’d love that.”

  
  


The Italian Language and Literature department was a fairly new one at the college. Most of the classes were held in the addition that was built for the old philology building. Jaehyun took Mark there first, showing him around the hallways where he can find the offices for each professor, showing him the library and some of the books they read in Lit class so far. He told him a few things about each professor, who’s strict and about what, which TA you can get decent information from, whose classes to always attend and pay attention during, everything he could think of that could be helpful.

“Passing Lit is basically impossible if you don’t attend lessons. Part of each exam is an essay about one of the authors we covered that semester, and she makes it seem like she wants your opinion on it, but in fact, she wants you to agree with hers. So you have to watch out every lesson, she doesn’t say explicitly what her opinion is, but she like, lets it slip.”

“I thought art was subjective.”

“It is. Everywhere except Mrs. Freeman’s class.”

“Got it.”

“Come on, I’ll show you.”

  


* * *

  


They got there before the class began.

Jae didn’t bring anything with him, but thankfully it was his class, so he knew where they could sit, and who he could bum a sheet of paper and a pen from. With Mark on one side, and Taeyong on the other, he could show Mark the trick, and not feel uncomfortable about it. Having his best friend by his side, Jaehyun felt a little less panicked. Much freer to be himself. Thank the gods for proximity, but at the same time curse them also.

“Jae, I specifically told you not to show up to classes today.”

“Mrs. Freeman, this is Mark. I’m giving him a tour of the department. We won’t be here long.”

“Nice to meet you Mark. Jae, don’t forget to take him to Gina’s class.”

“Yes ma’am,” he responded before turning around and looking at Mark. A satisfied look on his face. Then butterflies in Jaehyun’s stomach. Shit.

  
  


From Lit, to Phonetics, to Italian 102 and then to Lit and Phonetics exercises with the TAs, Jae took Mark to all the classes he would take as a first year. He introduced him to all the professors, including Gina who was known for being a bitch. A former dean of admission with a bruised ego and an unexplainable tenure since she was not really good at teaching. But Jae had a way around that too, and he was explaining that to Mark.

“You don’t really have to show up to every class. But make sure that you go to the exercise classes with the TA. She teaches well, she also makes the exam test, and she grades them. Gina’s just the title holder.”

“Thank you so much for today, Jaehyun. It was actually fun.”

Yes, it was. Jae had a great time not being in class and walking around campus, chatting with a seventeen year old that made him flustered most of the time.

Fuck. His feelings were in an area that couldn’t be any grayer. He was having a crush on a minor of all people.

“No problem. It was really nice to meet you.”

“You too.”

“If you end up coming here and have any questions, or no one to hang out with, you know where to find me.”

  


* * *

  


All it took for Taeil to know something was up was one look at Jaehyun.

Jae also met Taeil on his first day in college, they lived door to door in the dormitory. Jae’s roommate freshman year was a douche, and whenever he needed somewhere to run to, Taeil’s dorm was just right by. They both hated the dormitory, the lack of privacy, how small the dorms were. So starting sophomore year, they moved to an apartment, along with Taeyong. Took turns cooking and keeping the place clean. They co-existed pretty well.

These days Taeil worked at one of the coffee shops on campus, so that became the primary hanging out spot for the roommates. They gathered there near the end of his shift and walked home together, picking up whatever they needed from the supermarket near their apartment.

It was a support system that Jaehyun didn’t have before.

“What happened with that dude?” Taeyong asked. He was sat opposite of Jaehyun, sipping on a hazelnut latte and looking at him with curiosity on his face.

“Are you guys talking about Mark yet?” Taeil offered.

“Yet?” Jaehyun asked, confused.

“Come on dude, you’re too obvious to us,” Taeyong returned.

“The panicked look you were giving me the entire time you two were here gave you away.” Taeil said so casually. Fuck. Did Mark notice? “Don’t worry. I don’t think he noticed.”

“Good.”

“I can’t believe the first time you showed interest for anyone was someone you can’t really date. Yet,” Taeil said, stating it as it it was something that could never happen to him.

“Can you two stop with the word yet?”

“Nope,” Taeyong offered him a smile.

“It’s not funny. I’m basically…”

“Now, that’s taking it too far,” Taeyong said.

“I don’t know why you’re doing this to yourself. You were friendly with a guy for three hours, you didn’t even flirt with him.”

“I did, a bit.”

“Did he flirt back?” Taeyong’s question came quickly, like a reflex.

“I think so. But I could be seeing things. Cause I’m also certain he’s straight.”

“I’m pretty sure he isn’t straight,” Taeil retorted, and Jaehyun really wanted to believe the spidey-senses Taeil was known for, “And you’re probably not gonna see him again. No harm done.”

Right.

“Breathe Jae. There’s nothing to worry about,” Taeyong concluded, giving Jaehyun’s shoulder a squeeze.

  


* * *

  


But there was.

Jaehyun wished he could forget giggly Mark Lee and his kind eyes, but that wasn’t the case. He even showed up in his fucking dreams.

After a week of denying himself and trying to ignore the thoughts in his head, Jae did what any semi-normal person in the 21st century does with the person they have a crush on. He looked him up online.

He spent hours total, on and off scrolling through Mark’s Instagram, looking for… he wasn’t sure what. He just knew he would know when he would find it. He didn’t seem to find anything though.

Instead, it was a guide to Mark’s life in Maine. Places Mark had visited, museums, walks by the sea. Things he had seen, rainbows, and clouds, and lovely trees. And the food he had eaten, restaurant meals, baked goods from bakeries with location tags, and oh-so much instant noodles. Mark Lee had made it an art, actually. It was never just the instant noodles, he had add ins on top of it. From kimchi cut into bite size pieces, shredded chicken, or thin slices of bright yellow pickled radish, all to soft-boiled egg halfs, toasted sesame and crumbled seaweed.

Jaehyun could really go for a bowl of that. The more he looked at it, the hungrier he felt.

“Tae, do we have some instant noodles?”

“Yeah, I got some this morning,” Taeyong answered, his eyes still focused on his laptop screen.

“I’ll make myself a bowl. Do you want any?”

Taeyong took a moment to think about it before he said.

“Sure, if you’re making.”

  
  


“I thought you said you were making noodles,” Taeyong asked as soon as Jaehyun placed the bowl of food in front of him as well as a pair of chopsticks, “This is an entire meal.”

“It’s just an experiment.”

“You finally got to stalking Mark’s Instagram?”

“I didn’t…”

“I saw what you were doing,” Taeyong interrupted him with a smirk.

“I’m just trying to get him out of my system.”

“Yeah, I don’t think this is going to work. But the food is really good, so I’m not gonna say anything else.”

  


* * *

  


“The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”

Jaehyun isn’t sure when the word got to Johnny, but it finally did. And here he was, doing what he does best. Winding him up.

“Who did you talk to?” Jaehyun asked, even though he didn’t need to.

Taeyong. The answer was always Taeyong.

“Tae,” Johnny offered him a smile, “First, we need to get you drunk. Then we need to get you a one night stand.”

“I don’t do either of those things.”

“Fine then. Be miserable.”

“I would take a date though, if you know someone,” Jaehyun said it a bit shyly, slightly quieter than he should’ve.

“I will get back to you about that one.”

  


* * *

  


By the end of the second semester Jaehyun went out on five different first dates, all of them set up by Johnny. All of them failures. Some of them were nice, but there was always something lacking.

“What wrong with _this_ guy?” Johnny asked a question he had already asked before.

They were sitting in the living room of Jae and the guys’ appartment, sipping on hot coffee, trying to stay awake so they could study.

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? You said that about all the previous ones too.”

“There’s nothing wrong with any of them. It’s just…” Jae started, unsure where his train of thought was taking him.

“Getting under someone else doesn’t work with you,” Johnny finished the sentence for him.

“I guess not,” Jaehyun had to agree.

“We’ll have to try something else then.”

“No, no more trying,” Taeil interrupted the conversation, “Just let him suffer for a bit, just like the rest of us.”

“Suffer?” Johnny repeated the word as if it didn’t really make sense, like he was hearing it for the first time.

“Jae, bud,” Taeil lowered his voice to a calm and sympathetic tone, “The reason you are having a hard time moving on is because you have nothing to move on from. Nothing happened. For getting under to work as a getting over method, you need to be under the person first. You’re not heartbroken dude, you’re thinking what if. That’s a completely separate issue. A disease without a cure. You just need to let some time to pass. This is making it worse.”

Jaehyun hated that it made sense.

  


* * *

  


Time was a bitch.

Time also seemed to be doing absolutely nothing.

  
  


Time was the summer before junior year and it was quite a trying time.

Jae stayed in the city, doing job that would help pay rent all year round since money was tight at home, and his parents couldn’t help out as much anymore. He ended up working at a bakery. Nothing special when it came to his position, he was just a good old cashier-barista-server all wrapped in one. It was between that and being a waiter at a restaurant that was at quite a distance from campus. But the cashier job paid slightly better, the tips might not have been as good, but what sold him besides being a walking distance from the apartment was the fact that the owners let the staff take home whatever was leftover from the baked goods at the end of the working day. From small things like crescent rolls, parmesan twists, macarons or macaroons - they did both, to the sandwiches they prepared, breads, entire pies or cakes that were leftover. Even the special orders that weren’t picked up. Everything had to be freshly baked in the morning, and they didn’t want to throw away anything. What went unclaimed by employees was donated to the homeless shelter nearby.

Jaehyun didn’t mind working there at all.

He spent most of his time at work. It was just him and Taeil at the apartment that summer, all their friends went home. With Taeil at work as well, that was Jae’s distraction from thinking about what if. The what ifs didn’t end.

He’d meet up with Taeil in their apartment at the end of the day, they’d eat together and talk. They’d catch up a bit, and Taeil would give him a knowing look, because Taeil knew, he always did. And then they’d facetime Taeyong and annoy him for a bit, before ending the night and falling asleep.

The routine was helpful. But this thing was a process, and Jaehyun was still processing the feelings and the butterflies he got from one afternoon spent with Mark Lee. Something he would never experience again.

Mark Lee who he was never going to see again.

  


* * *

  


With classes starting up again, Jaehyun had to cut back his working hours. He was still in the bakery in the afternoons, but he had the mornings free so he could go to classes, and the rest of the evening to catch up with everyone now that they were back in town.

The bakery was the new gathering spot. Taeil now got off work before Jae, so he came there. He was the last to show up of the group, Taeyong showed up first, and Johnny stopped by often in between. It started happening so often that the group had their own table, the one closest to the register so they could include Jaehyun in whatever conversation they were having.

“Jae, can I get a slice of the nutella cake, and a glass of ice tea?”

“Yup, no problem.”

Taeyong always went for the deserts. Johnny mixed it up sometimes, but usually, his order was the same.

“I’d like one of the cheese and salami croissants, panini pressed please.”

“Coming right up.”

His friends paid during working hours. The leftovers he took home, Jaehyun had no issue sharing those. That was how he got Johnny addicted to croissants. The croissants in the shop were amazing fresh. But croissants on a panini press? A crispy fucking epiphany.

Jaehyun brought the plates to his friends and took a seat on the table next to them. It was slow towards the closing hours, so he could allow himself to do that. And if anyone walked in, and he didn’t hear the bell that chimed every time the door opened, he could rely on his friends to let him know.

He heard the bell most of the time.

He heard it that evening too.

He heard it when Mark Lee walked back into his life.

  


* * *

  


“No, the dialogue is fine, but I’m telling you, from a storytelling perspective, Tarantino’s all over the place,” he said to Johnny as he got off the chair. He and Johnny did that often, disagreeing over silly things.

He had his back turned towards the front of the store, and he had yet to turn around and see the customer.

Taeyong saw him right away, though. He knew.

“Jae,” he tried.

“Like zero character development, and always a weak as fuck plot.”

“Jaehyun,” Taeyong’s voice was sterner, so Jaehyun couldn’t help but pay attention.

“What?” he asked, afraid of the answer.

“Mark’s here.”

Jaehyun froze up when he heard that. Both of his friends looked at him with concern, reading through his reaction right away.

“What do I do?” he asked in the end.

“He’s just a customer Jae,” Johnny offered, “What do you do with all customers?”

“Right.”

_Right. Breathe._

  
  


He walked over to the register, taking in deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. His heart was going berserk, he could feel his heartbeat in his throat.

Mark Lee in the flesh. He couldn’t fucking believe it.

Mark was slightly thinner than Jaehyun remembered, and he was wearing glasses, which Jaehyun hadn’t known that was a thing, not even from Mark’s instagram. He had a black snapback on, and it looked so fucking good on him. _A deeper breath. Stronger heartbeat._

Shit.

All the progress he assumed he had done had instantly gone down the drain.

Shit.

Deep breath.

“Hi. How may I help you?”

“Hi,” Mark said, smiling, “Can I get two oreo cupcakes?”

He’s just a customer, Jaehyun reminded himself.

“Would you like them on a plate, or to-go?”

“To go.”

“Right away,” Jaehyun offered a short smile in response and got to work. A cake box, two cupcakes in it.

The silence that developed between them was almost uncomfortable. The butterflies that were fluttering in Jaehyun’s stomach were now painful. He didn’t know what to say.

“Do you remember me?” Mark asked, uncertain.

He couldn’t forget. And he tried so hard to forget.

“I do. It’s great to see you again.”

“Awesome. I was worried you wouldn’t. It’s great to see you too.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile at that. His heart was ready to jump out of his chest.

“So you picked this college?”

“I didn’t get accepted to any other.”

“I see.”

“It was my first choice though,” Mark then said, reassuring.

“That’s great, then.”

“Yeah,” Mark smiled again, “How much do I owe?”

“Nothing. It’s a welcome pastry.”

“Thanks. I’ll see you around.”

“See you.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Jeahyun stood and watched as Mark Lee exited the bakery, and in his mind he was dealing with it, but in reality, he didn’t even know where to begin. What also didn’t help was the fact that Taeil had magically left work early that day and was walking in at the same time as Mark was leaving.

“Oh hi. Mark, right? Great to see you, man.”

There was no need for Jae to be upfront and obvious, it seemed as though his friends were for him.

Taeil stood outside with Mark for a couple of minutes, chatting away. If only he knew what was being said. Instead he realized he couldn’t afford to be that irrational, and he walked away from the register, turning his back to the front window.

When he returned to the table with his friends, he was still in shock. For a few moments he let himself believe that he was dreaming the shit out of the situation, but five pinches later, he couldn’t fucking deny it anymore.

“Are you okay?” Taeyong asked him.

“I’m fine.”

A beat. The silence and worried looks were crushing him.

“You’ve never given me any welcome pastries.”

“I haven’t welcomed you anywhere, John.”

They sat in silence for a few moments. Until the bell chimed again and it was Taeil asking a burning question.

“Well, that was now 18-year-old Mark Lee, coming to see you on his first day in the city,” Taeil stated, leaving his backpack on one of the chairs, “How are you dealing with it?”

Technically, he could be dealing with it even worse than he currently was. But he wasn’t dealing with it well at all.

“Can we change the subject?”

“You’re wrong about Tarantino.” Johnny didn’t need to be asked twice.

“How is he wrong about Tarantino?” Taeil jumped at the chance.

“He says he’s not a good storyteller.”

“To be fair, I’ve read fanfiction written better than a Tarantino movie,” Taeyong offered.

“So it’s three against one on this?” Johnny retorted. Then, as if he just processed it, he turned to Taeyong, “Wait, you read fanfiction? How have I not known this?”

  
  


Jaehyun wouldn’t trade his friends for anything.

  


* * *

  


_lee_markie started following you._

  
  


Shit. Shit. Shit.

Jaehyun paced around his room, that seemed to be the only thing that helped him calm down. But he was apparently too loud. He hoped no one would notice. But they did, and both roommates were standing in the doorway, peaking in.

“What’s up?”

Jaehyun didn’t answer Taeyong’s question. Instead he showed his phone and the notification on it to his friends.

“For fuck’s sake. Follow him back,” Taeil said, walking away immediately.

“Right away? Wouldn’t that make it a bit…”

“Jae, you’re on Instagram for like, hours. Following him back just means that you were using the app, nothing else,” Taeyong interrupted.

“Right,” Jaehyun said, a wanton response. He wasn’t sure if it was the best idea, but he was going to go with it.

“Jesus Christ, dude. We knew you were panicked, but not this much.”

‘This much’ wasn’t really the full extent of it.

  


* * *

  


For Jaehyun the first class of junior year was Lit. For freshmen students it was always Italian 101. And those two auditoriums just so happened to be one next to the other.

That’s what had Jaehyun panicking in the early hours of a particularly warm morning. Seeing Mark so close to waking up. Whether he’d look rested and ready for the morning. Whether the shirt he’d choose would make him look fat or not.

“You know, this entire shtick of yours was cute for like a month. Now it’s just embarrassing. I can’t believe we’re friends. You’re a grown man. At this pace we’re going to be late, Jaehyun. We’re never late.”

“Tae, stop bitching and help me?”

Taeyong rolled his eyes first. Then he walked into the room, and helped, because of course he was going to help.

With his help Jaehyun found just the right sweater to put on. He was aiming for a soft but stylish vibe without sacrificing comfort, and he got exactly that. In that outfit he wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen by Mark.

Jaehyun was back to feeling like he did when he had his first crush on a boy, back in his teens. Silly was a good way to put it, pathetic was another. Jittery and hopeful were the best ones though.

He just couldn’t stop feeling jitters. He couldn’t help but feel like his heart was going to burst.

  


* * *

  


He was on the verge of throwing up all morning long.

On the walk from the apartment to the campus, Jaehyung made Taeyong stop six times in total so he could catch his breath and try to keep his fruity oatmeal breakfast in his stomach, where it belonged.

Taeyong didn’t seem to mind. He didn’t say anything either, so Jaehyun couldn’t be too sure. One thing he knew though was that Tae was a panicked planner. He most likely had unnecessary stops every few minutes in his doomsday scenario schedule. They weren’t going to be late. They were just not going to be as early as they usually were.

Which was exactly what happened. They were there ten minutes before the lesson started, just enough time to shortly catch up with their classmates. But not too much time, so they don’t have to get into any details about the summer. They’d have the rest of the academic year for that.

Jaehyun didn’t look for Mark on his way to class. He didn’t look for him through the little window in the auditorium door, even though that idea came to mind when he was at home. He didn’t need to. Mark was right outside the auditorium, lingering, taking peaks inside before stepping away from the door so he can pace in front of it. It was almost like Jaehyun was looking in a mirror.

But upon seeing that, he no longer felt like throwing up. All jitters Jaehyun felt went away and were replaced with worry. Mark might have been someone who made Jaehyun feel some romantic shit for the first time since high school, but he was also a kid. Just turned eighteen, new to the city, probably living on his own for the first time. Jaehyun was there too, once.

“Hey Mark. Are you okay?” Taeyong broke the ice with the question.

“Uh… yeah. I’m, uh… nervous, I guess,” Mark said, swallowing loudly enough for Jaehyun to notice. He was avoiding Jaehyun’s eyes when he added, “I don’t know where to take a seat. Or, if it’s okay to sit at all. Is the professor nice?”

“You met her, remember. Mrs. Rossi?” Jaehyun offered.

“Right.”

“I can go in with you if you want.”

“Then you’ll be late for class.”

“We’re just next door,” Jaehyun tilted his head slightly, as if he could feel that Mark wouldn’t answer, he’d have to take a hint from his face. Just as he thought, Mark’s panic softened it’s grip at the idea, “Tae, you go ahead. I’ll be right in.”

  
  


Having Jaehyun by his side didn’t seem to be calming enough. He seemed a bit more confident now, and he had no issue walking into the auditorium, but something was still bothering him. Jaehyun hoped he would find out.

“How about this seat?” he suggested. But the startled look on Mark’s face was a hard no, “Or what about over there?” he pointed him in the other direction.

“Sure. Let’s go over there,” Mark agreed.

Jaehyun walked with him to the seat, and knelt down beside him for some reassurance.

“Better?” he asked.

“Yes. Thank you so much.”

“No problem, at all,” Jaehyun shrugged. It wasn’t a big deal after all, “Remember what I told you about Freeman?”

“She’s gonna ask why we want to learn Italian.”

“Yes. Mrs. Rossi is just going to ask your name, where you come from, your favorite band or artist and your hobbies. She does that every year, so she can help you find someone with similar interests.”

“Right. That’s not scary at all,” Mark agreed, letting out a deep breath, “I’m sorry I took up so much of your time.”

“Don’t be,” Jae said, “I really have to go. But I’ll see you after class, okay?”

“Yeah, okay. Deal.”

“Deep breaths.”

“Thanks.”

  


* * *

  


_Hey Mark. How did classes go? I_ _’m sorry I couldn’t wait after like I said I would, Morphology class ran long, and I had to rush as I was late for work. Please stop by the bakery if you can. I’d love to hear about your first day._

“I’m sorry. You did what?” Jaehyun blinked at Johnny in disbelief.

Johnny asked for his phone when he came, and now that Jaehyun was on his break, he was finding out the exact purpose of that.

“What you should’ve done months ago. That’s what I did.”

“I was perfectly…” Jaehyun began, only to be interrupted by Johnny.

“Stupid.”

“No! I was…”

“Scared shitless,” Johnny did it again.

“Listen you little…”

“Angel.”

“This isn’t…”

“The end of the world.”

“I can’t believe you,” Jaehyun scoffed, crossing his arms on his chest, “I didn’t give you my phone so you can DM him for me.”

“Listen man. You need to get your shit together. I just sent what you couldn’t because you’re at work and can’t tend to your phone the entire time. I literally typed in what you were saying.”

“But it makes me sound…”

“Like you’re a concerned friend.”

Jaehyun couldn’t believe he was saying it, but it was true.

Ah, such miracles. He lived to see the day where Johnny would be right about something.

“Do not invade my privacy like that ever again,” Jaehyun warned.

“First and last time, I swear,” Johnny said, offering his pinky for a promise, holding it until Jaehyun accepted it, “Now get me that cake I ordered, so I can go and romance this dude right up.”

  


* * *

  


Even though the DM went seen but unanswered, Mark did show up.

Closing time was near, but not so near that the gang would be there. It was almost perfect timing for him to show up. Lesley was on shift still, so it wasn’t just him in the shop and he didn’t have to worry about serving customers.

Ever since the moment Johnny told him what he did, Jaehyun didn’t want to think about Mark showing up. About what they would say, or about how nervous he felt about the exchange. That was why he didn’t use the rest of his break. It was easier for him to distract himself by working, than to think and panic about it. That was of no one’s use.

When he saw Mark enter the bakery, the panic was gone. Again. Another miracle. He gestured him towards the tables, while he informed Lesley of his break and plated a few baked goods. He didn’t want to show up empty, without any finger food, his mom raised him better than that.

“Hi.”

“Hey,” Mark said, pursing his lips for a beat, “Sorry about today.”

“It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. I was just too uncomfortable to say what was going on.”

“Oh,” the syllable escaped Jae’s lips.

“I mean, I was nervous. Really nervous. But it wasn’t just that.”

“You don’t have to tell me,” he warned, not wanting to put Mark on the spot. He seemed uncomfortable enough as it was.

But it still looked like Mark was going to.

“My ex’s girlfriend is in my group.”

“Oh.” Another useless syllable.

“Yeah. We were like, hooking up in junior year, but he’s not out yet. You know, the jock type. And then like, people found out, it was this huge thing, and he kind of made it my fault. And like, it’s weird how a freaking rumor can change how everyone, even your fucking family treats you. People didn’t want to hang out with me, but I couldn’t like transfer so… I’m kind of scared that she’ll shit talk me.” Mark went on, babbling it away, and Jaehyun couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “Sorry. I just… I wanted to tell you. I don’t know why. I’m sorry.”

Mark Lee was gay.

And Mark Lee had some baggage in that auditorium.

Jaehyun understood. He had a similar story to that one. Not as bad as Mark’s, but he did get it.

“It’s fine,” he said, “I made out with a jock once, when I was in high school. In sophomore year. I had just come out to my parents, it was my first make out with a guy. His girlfriend caught us. She shot daggers at me all throughout high school. She was less vindictive though, I guess. I didn’t go through anything like you went through.”

“I see,” Mark nodded. He appeared to be feeling slightly more comfortable than he did before _and_ during his confession.

“When I was a freshman, in the first Italian 101 class we had, we were sixty people in the group. First class sophomore year there were thirty of us. After a week, twenty five. Today, we were only twenty. She might drop out, she might not come to class at all. Don’t let fear stop you. Besides, you’re not alone. You know me and my friends, and we’re always accepting new members to the group. Only requirement is that you put up with Johnny, and I can’t help you with that. We’ll only see if you can do it, once you meet him.”

“Thank you,” Mark smiled, a genuine one, and Jaehyun had to remind himself to breathe after that.

“You don’t have to thank me. I was there once too. Only I lucked out cause there was another gay Korean in my class,” Jaehyun explained, then switched to a question he had in mind as a way to change the subject to a more ordinary one, “Are you in the dorms?”

“Yeah. My roommate seems decent so far. A bit too energetic. A physics major. Korean though, so that’s good.”

Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile. Maybe not all, but Mark seemed to have _some_ things figured out ever so slightly better than he did in freshman year.

And then, the most important subject of them all.

“Tell me about your day.”

  


* * *

  


When Taeyong arrived, Mark was still there. Jaehyun was the only one working, and Mark stayed to keep him company and do his first homework of the year. Jaehyun offered to check it for him. As panicked as he was about Mark as a whole, and about himself falling for Mark, when it came time to helping Mark, Jaehyun was quite confident. He was ready to do anything.

“Hi,” Taeyong greeted.

“Hey. Latte?”

“Yeah,” he confirmed, letting a pause happen before pointing out the obvious, “Mark’s here?”

“Yeah, he’s doing the workbook exercises.”

“Sure,” Taeyong smiled. His response, the slight wiggle of the eyebrows too, Jaehyun could’ve used without either of them. He didn’t like the implication.

“Sit with him?”

“Of course,” on this Taeyong’s voice was calmer, nothing hiding behind it. That was better.

“I’ll bring the latte and join you.”

“Great,” Taeyong was already walking towards the table, explaining, “Taeil’s gonna come in like ten minutes. Johnny’s gonna come later, but we’ll get to hear about his date.

“I can’t wait,” Jaehyun returned, really glad as the subject had finally changed.

  
  


“Wait what?” Jaehyun asked, his voice slightly louder, than it should have been. Shock had taken over everyone at the table, with the exception of Mark, respectably, “You’re dating Yuta? Student government president candidate Yuta?”

“Get out of here with that bullshit,” Taeil said, his tone of voice full of mockery and disbelief, “You specifically told me last semester that you’d never be interested in someone like him cause he has a stick up his ass.”

“Maybe it’s just that I wanted to be the stick up his ass,” at this, everyone rolled their eyes. Except for Mark. Mark still laughed at most things. And this was the moment Jaehyun knew that he and Johnny would hit it off, as Johnny needed someone to laugh at his jokes, especially since Taeil refused to do it. Mark was the loudest there at that moment, “Thank you Mark, I appreciate that. Y’all are canceled, Mark is my new best friend,” Johnny added, watching Jaehyun’s face for any reaction to his statement. That little shit knew exactly what he was doing.

“You’re canceling me?” Taeyong asked, his tone of voice and demeanor going into offense, “I took your gay ass in when you were hyper and annoying everyone around you. You ungrateful giraffe.”

“Sorry Tae. I will always be grateful. I’ll un-cancel you.”

“Ah, so you’re backtracking now? How convenient.”

“You should’ve let him cancel us. We’d finally get some peace and quiet around here,” Taeil said matter-of-factly.

“Hey,” Johnny protested.

“I mean, for fuck’s sake. We should be getting to know Mark better, not listening to you,” Taeil added, “And you haven’t stopped talking. How is that friendly?”

  


* * *

  


“How did we do?” Taeil asked.

They were walking in the apartment, the excitement of the first day back having taken a toll on them all. They were tired, more so than usual. They didn’t talk as much as usual on their way back either.

“Decent,” Jaehyun shrugged, “You though,” he said and pointed at Johnny. He was staying with them for the week as his apartment wasn’t ready yet, his landlord was renovating some parts of the building.

“We’re gonna be friends for life. I gotta show him my worst,” Johnny offered his best excuse.

“That wasn’t your worst. And you just met him.”

At Jaehyun’s satement, Johnny rolled his eyes.

“You were a mess for months, and now that he’s here and around you, you’re just… fine,” Taeyong noted.

“I know. It’s fucking weird.”

“Damn, man. Breathe,” Taeil said, placing a hand on Jaehyun’s shoulder and giving it a light squeeze. It was the exact comfort that Jaehyun needed.

Understanding. That was what his body yearned for.

None of Taeyong’s worry and playfulness, or Johnny’s chaos and determination to wind him up over things. Just Taeil’s understanding.

_Thank you for today. It was great meeting everyone. I_ _’d love to hang out with you guys again soon._

_You don_ _’t have to thank me. You’re welcome to stop by anytime. We’re at the bakery before closing every day._

It took Jaehyun twenty minutes of typing, backspacing and typing again to send that one DM.

He left his phone on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. He went over what he responded with in his head, then sat up and picked up his phone again, nervous. The more he repeated it, the worse it sounded. But wasn’t that how most words and sentences felt?

“What did you do?” Taeil asked.

He stood a few feet away, in his pajamas and with his hair wet, looking at Jaehyun and expecting an answer.

“I invited Mark to come hang with us whenever he can,” Jaehyun said. Ashamed of how nervous he felt about it.

“Cool,” Taeil replied, taking a seat on the armchair across from where Jaehyun sat, “Did you give him your number?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know how to make it seem casual.”

“Give me…” Taeil offered, extending his arm and waiting for Jaehyun to pass him the phone.

_By the way, my number is 212-470-0842. You should have it, just in case._

He was so focused on being afraid of doing it wrongly that he didn’t even think of it. And it was so damn simple actually.

“I…”

“You don’t have to send it. I know, I don’t exactly get all that feelings and needs shit well. But I’m tired of watching you watch grass grow. I want you to be happy. And I can’t guarantee anything, but if being friends with him works for you, then so be it. Be a good friend, then.”

“Thank you Taeil.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

_Thanks for the number. I will use it vigilantly. It_ _’s Mark btw._

So. They had each other’s numbers now.

Cool.

Cool, cool, cool.

  


* * *

  


_There_ _’s a party in my dorm tonight. You should come and bring everyone._

That was the second text Mark sent him.

It was two days after they exchanged numbers and Jaehyun honestly didn’t expect it. But there it was. Mark was inviting him somewhere.

Friends. That was quite a friendly move.

“What do you mean, you’re going to a party Jae?” Taeyong asked, a hint of mockery in his voice.

“We’re all going to a party,” Jaehyun corrected him.

“We don’t do parties, but we’ve still been trying to get you to come with us to one for two years. But now that…”

“Leave the man alone, Tae, he’s in love,” Taeil interrupted, “Love makes you do crazy shit.”

“I’m not in love.”

“Sorry. You’re almost in love. Better?” Taeyong smiled a wider smile.

“Not really. I invited you to a party, why is it an issue?”

“Technically, Mark invited us to a party,” Taeyong said, “And there’s no issue. You’re just funny when you’re flustered.”

“Now let’s go party with some teenagers. Cause that’s why I waited three years before I started college. Partying with teenagers in my twenties.”

  
  


Everyone now included Yuta too. It was their first time officially meeting the dude, Johnny had invited him of course, and even though Jaehyun wasn’t sure that a party at a dorm was the best place for that meeting to take place, he sure as hell didn’t want the dude to feel uncomfortable.

Yuta seemed nice, a bit quiet. They all knew he was sweet, strong-minded and opinionated from the previous semester, when he ran for student government president. But he seemed too nice and quiet to be dating Johnny. Loud, hyper, sometimes obnoxious Johnny. Maybe they would cancel each other out. Hopefully Johnny wouldn’t corrupt him. One of Johnny was too much to handle at times, Jaehyun had no idea what he’d do with two of Johnny.

Mark’s dorm room was in the same building as Jaehyun and Taeil’s used to be, just one floor up. Walking around the hallways was like walking down memory lane. Jaehyun could remember all the pissed off energy he used to exude. All the trouble with his asshole roommate. Asshole roommates weren’t supposed to happen, he didn’t fill out all online those questioners for that to happen.

He was getting pissed off just thinking about it. Again.

  


* * *

  


Mark’s hyper roommate, Haechan, with his own chaotic energy was a perfect match for Johnny’s chaotic energy. The kid was even younger, seventeen, but he got in on some genius scholarship, and he seemed to have everyone around his finger. With his age, Jaehyun would assume he’d be a bit freaked out, but not at all, surprisingly. In fact, he seemed the most confident and outgoing out of them all, like he’d been there for years, and not barely a week.

“What is your major?” Haechan asked Taeil. Taeil tended to be the quietest of the group when meeting new people, and that rule was followed once again that night. No wonder Haechan had questions for him, he barely said a thing.

“Pre-law.”

“Oh, fancy,” Haechan smiled, “So we both like laws, only different kinds of them.”

“Technically, yes.”

“Mark, I made a new friend!” Haechan shouted towards the dorm where Mark went in to her drinks for him and Jaehyun, “Let’s get you a drink to celebrate. Nah, let’s get you two cause I can’t drink yet.”

“Sure, let’s do that,” Taeil agree, allowing the kid to take his hand and lead him away.

Soon after it was just Jaehyun and Mark hanging out. Taeyong had spotted some of his classmates from his elective subjects and run off with them. Johnny and Yuta were somewhere, nearby he suspected, but not near enough for Jaehyun to spot them. So it was just him and Mark. Alone. Together. In a crowded dormitory, but still alone. And it wasn’t awkward or serious at all. It kind of felt natural, really. Even though Mark was talking about soccer, and Jaehyun had a very bleak idea what soccer really was. In high school he had more of a thing for the basketball or football players, those sports he knew well. The soccer players weren’t really his type.

Mark must have noticed the confusion on Jae’s face.

“You don’t watch soccer, do you.”

“No.”

“But you let me go on about it for like five minutes.”

“You make it sound fun,” Jaehyun said, seconding it with a smile, “Like, I’ve never watched it before, but I might start watching now.”

“Sure, I do. I know that I don’t tell stories well,” Mark retorted, shyly smiling back.

“You tell stories better than I do,” Jaehyun admitted, “So what team do you support?”

“Liverpool.”

“Oh, English league.”

“Yeah. It’s called Premier league.”

“Hm. I thought the Brits hated the French.”

“Yet they’re using a French word for the name. I know.”

“I mean, it’s an English word too…”

“But French in origin. The irony.”

“Exactly,” Jaehyun smiled widely. A silence built between them again, and he decided to break it, “Do you watch every game?”

“I try to. It’s not gonna be so easy now I guess, in the dorm, with an unstable internet connection.”

“You could always watch at my place. I mean, my, Taeyong and Taeil’s place.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. We could make an evening out of it.”

“More, late afternoon. But, I’d like that. If all the schedules line up, that’d be great.”

  


* * *

  


Schedules lining up wasn’t an issue. Jaehyun could just make the schedules line up. A game against a rival that Mark wouldn’t want to miss was the thing that was holding the event from taking place. That seemed to be a few weeks away.

In the weeks leading up to it, shit started getting weird. They hung out a lot, between bakery, university hallways, campus and gym interactions, there didn’t seem to be a day when someone didn’t see someone. In addition to everyone meeting Haechan, they also got introduced to Taeil’s new friend Jungwoo. Jungwoo worked in the furniture store in the building where they lived. He went to the same college, but the IT classes were on the other side of campus, so they had met by total chance. Though less hyper, Jungwoo was just as chaotic. And though chaotic, he was another refresher in the group. Compared to the newcomers Jaehyun was getting old and boring. The same went for Taeil, maybe he was even worse, even older for sure.

The thing that was weird wasn’t just the fact that Jaehyun no longer felt awkward or nervous around Mark or about Mark, Taeil was getting weird too. The reason why Taeil wanted to move out of the dorms most of all was because dorms meant sharing rooms, and the one thing he’d always wanted was privacy. Taeil never let anyone touch him without permission. But he let Haechan do it. He let Haechan hold his hand, give him hugs, rest his feet in his lap, and basically hook every limb around him.

Taeyong was changing too. He was becoming more and more like Jaehyun was months ago, right after he met Mark, only thing was, Taeyong wasn’t telling why or who he met. Jaehyun was sure it was because of someone he had met. He even mentioned it to Taeil, who then reminded him that Taeyong shares when he needs to. Pushing him to say something on subjects like this one was usually frustrating and counter productive.

Things were changing. And Jaehyun didn’t seem to be as ready for it as he thought he was.

  


* * *

  


“We’re free on Saturday. Who are they playing against?”

Mark first asked the question that morning, and Jaehyun said he’d consult his roommates before giving him the answer. Both Taeyong and Taeil said yes, of course, and they did it in a what that made it seem like he shouldn’t be asking at all. They sat in the bakery, chatting with Taeyong. Taeil and Haechan were on a separate table, too consumed in their own conversation to join the rest.

“Man United. Their biggest rivals.”

“Ah, I see. Sounds fun.”

“I’ll bring snacks,” Mark offered.

“I’ll bring beer,” Taeyong immediately said, “And a friend.”

“Great. It’s settled then,” Jaehyun said, quickly motioning Mark not to ask any questions about it, “We’re all watching soccer on Saturday. I’ll text the lot so they’ll know.”

“Okay. It’s all set then,” Taeyong concluded.

“I can’t wait.”

  


* * *

  


It never crossed Jaehyun’s mind, not even for a single moment, that having Mark over for the first time would mean an apartment tour, introducing Mark to his personal space, and not minding it at all for a freaking surprise.

He also didn’t realize that it meant sitting next to Mark, closer than ever, because everyone around them seemed to be making it happen that way. He didn’t realize it meant feeling jitters again as he was starting to see or notice things that probably weren’t there, and he was excited for it. For most of the game their knees were touching and Jaehyun had to actually focus on the game Jungwoo made possible to watch on the TV so he could distract himself from the warmth that little contact provided. Distracting himself from imagining things, and from analyzing, reanalyzing and then over-analyzing the smallest of gestures.

  
  


Taeyong’s friend’s name was Doyoung. Architecture major. Exactly Taeyong’s type, noth physically and character-wise. Taeyong liked when he got called out for his shit. Doyoung did exactly that. He seemed a bit uncomfortable at first with the abundance of new faces it wasn’t a surprise, but he loosened up after like twenty minutes. He talked to everyone at least for a bit. He was bubbly, but also calculated. He didn’t overstep any boundaries, everything seemed to be considered well. Considerate of others too.

Jaehyun didn’t look their way every five minutes at all, especially not because he needed a distraction. He also didn’t look at Johnny getting jealous because Yuta was chatting away with Jungwoo. Or at Taeil, being surprisingly comfortable with Haechan touching him every two minutes.

He didn’t look at any of them as a way to fight the urge to hold Mark’s hand.

He would swear on it, that wasn’t the reason. Whatsoever.

  


* * *

  


At the end of the evening spent with friends, Mark and Haechan were the ones who stayed and offered to help clean up. Even though Jaehyun insisted he didn’t need any help.

He was a bit desperate to get away from Mark at this point. He just really wanted to touch him, not in any creepy way, just like his hand, or his hair, and he was getting frustrated with how bad he had to fight it. And it wasn’t like Mark was making it easy. He was near him, constantly. He was the one that sat next to him on the couch, it was Mark’s knee that first brushed against Jaehyun’s, even before the couch became too crowded. It was Mark that offered to walk the dirty dishes from the living room to the kitchen while Jaehyun stood in front of the sink, scrubbing and rinsing them clean. It was Mark that touched his elbow to Jaehyun’s every time he dropped off a few glasses or a plate.

Or maybe there wasn’t anything there, and Jaehyun was just seeing shit, the way he seemed to every time he caught feelings, historically speaking.

He just needed to take an afternoon and talk it over with his friends because that was the only way he could come to the bottom of it.

  
  


“Thank you for today. Really, Jae. I don’t know how I can repay you. Classes have been stressing me out, and this was exactly what I needed.”

“Don’t even mention it. It was my pleasure. I had fun.”

“I’m glad,” Mark smiled, a sincere one. Jaehyun could feel his heartbeat in his throat, “See you.”

“Yup. See you.”

  


* * *

  


Jaehyun lied flat on his bed, pondering over the emotions from that afternoon. He was trying to arrange them in some sort of order, cause as they were now, nothing about them was clean and concrete, it was all a jumbled up mess. The one thing that was concrete was that he had feelings for Mark. What kind of feelings, how strong, and whether or not they were reciprocated was what he needed to clear up.

A knock on his bedroom door snapped him away from his thoughts.

“Come in.”

“Hey. Are you okay?” Taeil asked.

“Yeah. Just figuring things out. How about you?”

“I’m great,” Taeil replied, closing the space between them in a few steps. He then took a seat on the bed, and Jaehyun sat up, preparing himself for one of the heart-to-heart conversations he and Taeil had. This one seemed a bit overdue.

“Sure,” he said, a hint of sarcasm in his voice.

“Why say it like that?”

“Are you serious?”

“Okay, fine. I’m figuring some stuff out too,” Taeil admitted, “But while your feelings are obviously reciprocated, and you can do something about it. Mine, _if_ and whatever the fuck they turn out to be, cause let’s face it, this doesn’t happen to me, ever, will have to wait for a while.”

“I’m really sorry. And it’s too fucking bad, considering this never really happens to you,” Jaehyun repeated the point. Taeil never did relationships. He sometimes did hook-ups that he always declared to be for ‘medical purposes’, that was in fact a direct quote. He was sure that he was both aromantic and asexual. But this experience was proving him wrong.

“Yeah, I know,” Taeil sighed, “Taeyong has it the easiest.”

“He’s really shy about it, though.”

“He’ll open up. He always does. He’s probably being more careful now, with what happened the last time. He has to be.”

“Yeah.”

“You’ll be okay, Jae. He’ll be okay too.”

“So will you.”

“Ah, I’m not so sure,” Taeil said, pursing his lips.

“I am.”

“Haechan flirts with everyone.”

“True.”

“He touches everyone, too.”

“Yeah, but he just keeps circling back to you somehow. It’s like he’s attached to you.”

“Dude, can you like, not bring my hopes up.”

“Sorry,” Jaehyun shrugged, “I just call it like I see it.”

“Tell Mark how you feel cause he feels the same way.”

“What?”

“Sorry. I just call it like I see it as well,” Taeil retorted. He patted Jaehyun’s knee, then he got up and left him with his thoughts.

  


* * *

  


Jaehyun might have already been in his head about the entire thing with Mark, but now Taeil was there too. At every question he had, there was a tiny Taeil telling him that he wasn’t reading into it too much, things were exactly how he thought they were. That was quite the opposite of what Jaehyun needed. That wasn’t making it any clearer at all.

  


* * *

  


“Jaehyun? Can you come down for a moment, I want to speak to you.”

“Yes miss.”

It was a Thursday morning. Mrs. Rossi had just entered the auditorium, she hadn’t put down her bag yet, or the stack of books and papers she was carrying. Matter of fact, she hadn’t even said hello before she called Jaehyun to come down for a chat. He had no idea what it could be about.

“Is everything okay with your boyfriend?” Mrs. Rossi asked, keeping her voice low so the conversation would stay between them. Jaehyun still had no idea what was going on.

“My boyfriend?”

“Mark Lee?”

Oh. That boyfriend? Well, he hasn’t answered Jae’s text from Monday yet, and Jaehyun was freaking out about it ever so slightly, but… Wait, what?

“We’re not…”

Mrs. Rossi interrupted him by rolling her eyes.

“Don’t bullshit me Jae. Everyone knows,” she then said. Okay. Jaehyun was even more confused now. “I’m asking because he hasn’t been to any class in three days. He isn’t responding to any e-mails, texts, or calls. Not mine, not Freeman’s, no ones. I heard some rumor from some of the students, but that doesn’t really matter. So whatever it is, help him work it out and get him back to class, okay? Go, now. Take today off. I’ll take care of the rest.”

“Okay.”

  


* * *

  


Jaehyun knocked on the dorm room door and waited. He knocked again. He couldn’t hear anything on the other side of the door, so he wasn’t sure if what he was doing had any point to it.

“Mark? It’s me. Jaehyun. Are you here?”

At that, he finally heard some auditory response come from the inside, movement, then footsteps coming closer. Seconds later the door was unlocked and opened.

“Hi,” Mark said. It almost sounded like a sigh of relief.

“Hey.”

“Why aren’t you in class?”

“I can ask you the same thing,” Jaehyun returned, softening his statement with a short smile, “Can I come in?”

“Of course, yeah.”

Mark took a step back, creating enough space for Jaehyun to walk in. Jaehyun waited until the door was closed and Mark was back inside to ask the question he came to ask.

“So what’s up?”

“Nothing.”

“You haven’t answered my texts.”

“Sorry.”

“They miss you in class.”

Mark took in a shaky breath, avoiding meeting Jaehyun’s eyes.

“No one misses me,” he then said, certain.

“The professors excused me from class so I can come here and help you figure it out.”

“Sorry. I know how much you hate skipping class,” Mark returned, looking at Jaehyun only momentarily before looking away again.

“Don’t apologize. Just talk to me.”

Mark sat quiet for a few moments, then quietly and flatly said.

“I don’t want to. I don’t want you to see how easily I run away and how pathetic I can be. I don’t want you to think badly of me.”

“Mark, I could never think badly of you. Just tell me what’s going on.”

“She’s bringing him to class. And he’s talking shit again. And I’m really fucking uncomfortable with it, cause everyone is talking again,” Mark explained, his voice still quiet, but also covered with disappointment.

It took Jaehyun a moment of silent thinking to realize who ‘she’ and ‘him’ were.

“Fuck.”

The word escaped Jaehyun’s lips like a reflex, not a lot of thought before it. Thankfully, Mark didn’t think too much about it either.

“That’s why I’ve been staying in the dorm and not going to class. I don’t want to see or hear any of it,” Mark added.

“I understand.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

They sat quiet for what seemed like a minute, with Jaehyun thinking really hard about ways he could remedy the situation. When, at last, Eureka.

“I’ll come with you.”

“What?”

“The more you avoid classes, the guiltier you look. And there’s nothing to feel guilty about. You should face it head on. And if she brought boyfriend backup, then you should too.”

“You’re saying you’ll pretend to be my boyfriend. I can’t ask that off you.”

“Mark, the entire department already thinks we’re dating. I was specifically told that today,” Jaehyun said.

“What? No, not… I don’t mean it that way. I wouldn’t mind _you_ pretending to be my boyfriend.”

“Then what way?”

“I have like… shit,” Mark paused, “Okay. I think it will muddy the water for me personally because I have some f… fuck, why is it so hard to say it?” he raised his voice in frustration.

Oh. Oh?

“I got it. You don’t have to,” Jaehyun said. The tiny Taeil in his head was screaming ‘I told you so!’

Mark really didn’t have to say it. Jaehyun was going to confess for them both.

“No. I want to. I…” Mark insisted, failing again. And it wasn’t like Jaehyun was doing any better. The words were caught like a lump in his throat.

“Shit. Okay. You’re right. It _is_ so hard to say.”

“What?” Mark blinked at him slowly, shock washing over his facial expression.

“Um…” deep breath out, breath in, it’s not scary at all, it’s mutual. This is all you ever wanted. Like a band-aid Jaehyun, he told himself, “I have feelings for you too,” he got the words out, finally. He stood there and waited, looking back at Mark who stood frozen, staring at Jaehyun. Did he fuck up? Mark squeacked softly, then blinked himself back to reality before speaking again, “Mark?”

“Sorry. I’m just taking it in.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes, allowing a satisfied smile to grow on his face.

“Get dressed. Let’s go to class. I’ll wait outside,” he said, heading towards the door.

“Jae, we really need to talk about this.”

“We’ll do it on our way. We’ll get some coffee too. Okay?”

“Okay.”

  


* * *

  


“I lied,” Mark announced and Jaehyun’s heart almost stopped because his mind always went into panic mode first, “This wasn’t the only school I got accepted to. I didn’t really plan on coming to the city, cause it’s too close to home. But you made it seem less scary than it actually is, and like I’d be okay. I really liked you when we met. And I really wanted to get to know you better. That’s why I chose this one.”

Mark’s confession deserved to be matched, to make things less awkward for him. Jaehyun knew exactly what to offer.

“When I DMed on your first day, that was actually Johnny. I didn’t have the guts to do it. And after we met, I basically stalked your Instagram. Whenever you cooked something, I did too. I made so many versions of noodles. And none if it helped me forget you.”

“I’m pretty damn unforgettable.”

“Yes, you are.”

  


* * *

  


Mrs. Rossi sent him to get Mark, and by the time they got to the university, it was time for Mark to attend her class.

Even though she had so much to say to Jaehyun few hours prior, now she had absolutely nothing to offer. Mrs. Rossi surprised him with her approach that morning, he had never witnessed her do that. He didn’t think she’d say much either, at least not during class. She just gave them an approving smile and a nod.

They took the seats in the far left and back, and Mark did so much not to look to his right. That only caused Jaehyun to be more curious. He wanted to see who the culprit was, who had the fucking nerve to play with Mark’s emotions so much. Who fucking dared fuck with his boyfriend. Shit. He had a boyfriend. Mark was his actual boyfriend.

Mark did his best to focus on the lesson. He was jotting down all the notes for passato prossimo, making two long columns of verbs, one for verbs that go with avere, one for the ones that go with essere. That was _his_ way of keeping busy and distracted.

Jaehyun was doing the same, only expanding the list Mrs. Rossi was teaching with all the tricky ones he could think of, along with their participio passato forms. The homework he knew she was going to assign. But at the same time it was basically everything he wished he knew right away instead of having to look through countless dictionaries to find out. It was a good distraction for him too, a way to stop himself from looking to the right and finding out. He didn’t want to seem too eager in any way. He didn’t want to do anything that would upset Mark.

From Italian 101, they moved to Lit, and then Lit exercises. No one said anything. Not to Mark, or Jaehyun, not the students, not the professors. There were some side-eyes, but no one seemed to whisper with Jaehyun there. Probably because Jaehyun was there, but still, he could see Mark becoming less tense, his shoulders seemed to slump down a bit, rather than the tall and still position they were in all morning. Progress. Tiny maybe, but still, important.

Being with Mark that morning only cemented what Jaehyun already kind of knew.

The feelings weren’t like, they were love. And now that they were near the same page, but definitely same book, Jaehyun could actually do something about it. Something else beside sulking, and over-thinking, and wondering what if.

  


* * *

  


Mark stayed by Jaehyun’s side all day. He sat on one of the tables in the bakery, and did his homework all afternoon, occasionally staring at Jaehyun, offering a smile whenever he got caught.

“Can you help me with the homework on your break?” Mark asked him hours earlier, and Jaehyun agreed. He had few days of homework to catch up, and a lot of material to learn that he wasn’t in class for. They were going to have a bit of work to do, but Jae knew he could help. If they didn’t get through most of it during Jaehyun’s break, they could always continue their work during the off-peak hours before closing. Taeyong would be there as well then, he could help a bit too. They were going to need the notes from class of course, and Jaehyun was doing his best to remember where he stored his freshman year notebooks, but in the end it turned out that someone else had notes in mind as well.

Jae didn’t need to be told what was going on, there were more than enough clues there. First off, he recognized the couple from Mark’s class. Second, all the people in the exchange seemed very uncomfortable, Mark especially. The dude stayed by the front door, looking over at Mark, but also at Jae, with more than just discomfort on his face. The girl walked over to Mark, looking at the ground mostly, and she didn’t seem to be confrontational at all.

Shit. Jaehyun wasn’t sure if he should intervene or not. He stayed put, somehow trusting that nothing would happen. If he saw anything happening, then he’d rush over right away.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“Um… I thought you could use the notes from class this week. I copied them for you.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m sorry. For everything,” she said then, leaving the copies on Mark’s table and walking away before he could answer.

As the girl was walking towards the front of the store, the guy stood and waited, and stared at Jaehyun who was now by the espresso machine, preparing an Americano for a customer. And Jaehyun understood. He knew why the sudden change of heart happened. Because of jealousy. And because he lost.

This dude, who was probably not used to it, just lost the guy he took for granted and kept as a backup, a high school love he wasn’t ready to admit to and expected to wait for him his entire life. And he lost him to Jaehyun of all people.

  


* * *

  


_Thank you for today. <3_

The fucking heart emoji? Mark Lee had quite a romantic side to him, without even fucking realizing. Or maybe it was simply because Jaehyun read into every single fucking thing all day long.

They walked Mark back to his dorm after his shift was over, and he’d been at home for maybe ten minutes? But the text arrived as soon as he sat down on the couch, and he couldn’t do anything beside stare at it and smile. That fucking little heart emoji. Jesus. He suspected that he was whipped, but not this fucking much.

“What’s up? Why are you smiling at your phone,” Taeyong asked, passing him a bowl of fruit salat. It was time for dinner, and Jaehyun brought back some chocolate croissants, but they still needed to balance out the carbs a bit, add more vitamins in their diet. That was Taeyond’s contribution, his daily task. Making sure that no one in the apartment got scurvy.

“Mark texted,” Jaehyun stated.

“What happened with Mark today, cause you two seemed a bit weird,” Taeil offered the next question. Of course Taeil noticed. Nothing slipped by him, ever.

“I might have told him I have feelings for him.”

“And?” Taeyong pressed.

“He told me he has feeling for me.”

“Jesus, man. Details?” it was Taeyong again, insisting. But Jaehyun didn’t have more details.

“What details? It was a really weird day.”

“That’s all that happened? You didn’t kiss? You didn’t jump each other?”

“No.”

“Did you even like, touch at all?”

It might be a bit weird to his friends, but the truth was…

“No.”

“I must be hallucinating right now,” Taeil finally broke his silence.

“What? I said it was a weird day. We didn’t really have time to do anything.”

“For fuck’s sake. With this pace by the time you two have sex, me and Doyoung’s kids will be all at college,” Taeyong said, a statement met with confused looks, “What? We talked about it. We’re gonna adopt like ten kids, and it’s going to be beautiful.”

“I can’t believe I’m friends with either of you. Both of you are so fucking lucky, and you’re both going to ruin it by either going too fast, or too slow,” Taeil voice seemed calm at first, but Jaehyun soon realized it was filled with disappointment, and even scarier than that, frustration.

“Taeil,” Taeyong attempted.

“What?”

“Every relationship moves differently. What you see from the outside is not what it’s like inside,” Taeyong spoke, slowly as if he was explaining it to a kid, and Jaehyun sat back and watched as Taeil’s face softened.

“I know. Sorry. I’m just frustrated with… you know. And you two are frustrating as well,” he explained himself.

“We know dude. That’s why our friendship works. We’re frustrating and childish, and you’re level-headed and put us in our place,” Jaehyun said, matter-of-factly. He then asked, wanting to hear Taeil say it so he can know if he figured it out yet or not, “It’s kind of weird seeing you in crisis mode. What’s going on with you?”

“I just don’t want to see either of you blow it.”

Okay. That was a no, then.

“We won’t,” Taeyong promised for them both, slightly more confidently than Jaehyun would’ve gone for.

“You better not,” Taeil warned, and Jaehyun wasn’t sure what he’d do if they did blow it, but he knew that he didn’t want to find out.

  


* * *

  


“Good morning,” Mark said as soon as Jaehyun picked up.

“Morning. You’re up?” Jaehyun greeted, his voice still a bit raspy from the sleep. He had still to wake up fully, and to wake up his voice too. It always took a few minutes, sometimes even a sip of hot coffee, before it went back to normal.

“Yeah, I’m getting ready for class.”

“Great,” Jaehyun returned, relaxing at the thought that he was talking to his boyfriend. And not just that, they were talking first thing in the morning.

“What kind of coffee does Taeyong like?” Mark then asked.

“Vanilla Latte, no to sugar, yes to whipped cream. Why?”

“I’ll get some coffee on my way to class. I wanted to thank Taeyong for helping me with the dialogues last night, and I know that he likes coffee, just not which kind,” he explained, then paused for a giggle, before adding, “Now, I do know which kind.”

“There you go.”

“Stop flirting over the phone, let’s go, we’ll be late,” Jaehyun heard Haechan’s voice in the background, and it prompted a smile on his lips.

“Guess you have to go.”

“Yeah. See you in a few.”

“See you.”

  
  


Their fingers brushed when Mark handed him the cup of coffee, so Jaehyun spent the rest of the day distracted simply by the fact that they touched, and by all the excited butterflies it gave him.

Just the day before Mark was talking about being pathetic, and just because of that Jae realized that that’s why they were a good match. He was of the same opinion, only about himself. It was pathetic how he felt like a thirteen-year-old with a crush again.

Taeil was right though. This was moving really fucking slow. And Jaehyun was starting to feel the need to speed it all up. At least a fucking bit.

  


* * *

  


_Are you free on Saturday?_

He held his breath after sending the text. Saturday was his only day off that he had left this month, and he wanted to use it well. Mark was his boyfriend, they might now have done a lot, but they felt shit for each other, so of course they were. Couples went on dates. Jaehyun has gone on dates in the past. And as Taeyong was preparing for another one with Doyoung, Jaehyun figured he outta plan his first one with Mark. It was the only thing that made sense.

He had no fucking clue what they could do. He just knew that he had to have it happen.

_Yeah. Do you have something in mind?_

_I_ _’d like to take you out. No concrete plans yet, but… you know, first dates and all._

_Can_ _’t wait._

  
  


Taeil. After an afternoon of worrying Jaehyun realized he could be the one to answer his dilemma.

Jaehyun knocked on Taeil’s open door, stood there in the doorway until Taeil answered.

“What’s up?” Taeil asked.

Jaehyun walked in and took a seat on Taeil’s bed.

“I don’t know where to take Mark on out first date.”

“What does he like?”

Jaehyun already thought of that.

“I checked for soccer matches this Saturday, there are none.”

“What else?”

“Me?” Jaehyun offered, unsurely.

Taeil gave him a look and a smack on the shoulder.

“We’ll never know why.”

“He likes art I guess. He goes to museums sometimes.”

“Guggenheim.”

“You’re a genius.”

“Yeah. I know.”

  


* * *

  


The moment Jaehyun told Mark they were going to the Guggenheim Mark’s face lit up even more, and the smile didn’t disappear for the rest of the night. They walked around the exhibit, from the top to the bottom, they took their time examining every piece of art, and silently chatting about it.

It was nice. It was pleasant. Nothing about it was uncomfortable. Not a single thing about it was anything like the dates Johnny had set him up on. It was the best date that Jaehyun had gone on in the last year. Fuck that, in his life.

They didn’t touch while they were in the museum. They stood closer than they ever had, their shoulders touching a few times, but there was no skin to skin contact. That was unlike any of the dates Jaehyun had been on in the past. And so much better at the same time.

After the museum Jae insisted that they go for dinner. On the other hand, Mark insisted that they don’t go anywhere fancy. They ended up getting some hot dogs, still talking about the art they saw, and what a good time they had.

They touched after they ate. Mark was the one who caught his hand, and intertwined his fingers around Jae’s.

Intimate. Very much like a couple.

  
  


“Can I kiss you?”

Jaehyun had never asked that question before. Most likely because he had never initiated a kiss before. He had always been kissed. Always the chase, never the chaser. With Mark it was a first.

“Yes,” Mark said, offering him a smile.

Mark went about kissing, the way he went about anything. Passionately. Thoroughly.

It felt fucking right.

  


* * *

  


“I guess it went well?”

The smile on Jaehyun’s face was more than enough of a giveaway.

“It went spectacularly,” he said, He cleared his throat in attempt of calming down a bit, then he asked, “What were you up to all day?”

“I played some video games,” Taeil answered.

“Which ones?”

“League of Legends. It was fun.”

“Haven’t seen you play that before…”

“Yeah, it was my first time. I had no idea what I was doing for most of it, but Haechan showed me around,” Taeil said, catching himself instantly, “Don’t judge me, we’re just friends.”

That was the last thing on Jaehyun’s mind.

“I’m not judging. I get it.”

“I’m gonna have to find myself a friend to benefit with. Someone to take my mind off him.”

“You know what’s best for you. I will support you no matter what. The way you support me no matter what.”

Taeil took a deep breath, thinking.

“You’re in too good of a mood.”

“Maybe because Mark is a great kisser,” Jaehyun smiled.

“Well look at you.”

“I know. I was a caterpillar two days ago, but today I’m a freaking butterfly.”

  


* * *

  


Things escalated quickly. They went from a first, passionate but careful kiss, to basically ripping their clothes off in less than a week.

It was a bit dangerous at times. They made out a lot in the dorm, risking getting caught by Haechan, which happened twice, and both times all three of them acted as if what was going on before wasn’t obvious at all. Haechan was actually quite nice about it, only cracking the occasional joke, but never making them uncomfortable.

It was worse when they were in Jaehyun’s room. It was in some way easier, cause his door locked and only he had the key to it, but that didn’t mean it went as smoothly. The apartment became quite busy as Taeil did so much to distract himself from his feelings. Someone was visiting almost always. And as hot and heavy he and Mark got at times, with energy that’s hard to climb down from, Johnny knocking on his door to ask whether they needed a condom, or anything was a freaking buzz kill. No matter how funny Mark found it. Tae or Taeil never stopped him. No one stopped him. Jaehyun liked his friends, but those assholes were deadass evil sometimes.

“Oh, come on, don’t be mad,” Johnny said. Jaehyun had just walked Mark out the door, returning to a living room full of people. He wasn’t in the mood for any of this shit, “We just wanted you two to hang out with us.”

“We were hanging out all last night. And this evening. You’re being an ass.”

“Hey now.”

“We told you not to bother them. We can’t leave you alone for two minutes,” Taeyong said.

“But where’s the fun in that?”

“Jae, next time Johnny’s over at my place, I’ll text you. You know what to do,” Yuta promised.

“Yeah, you should do that,” Doyoung agreed.

“Deal.”

“That’s not fair,” Johnny protested.

“Life’s not fair,” Taeil said to him, deadpanning before taking a sip from his beer.

“Well, y’all are really fun to hang out with,” Johnny stated.

“Ditto,” Jaehyun returned, offering a bitter smile.

  
  


Yuta lived up to his promise just a couple of days later. Mark came along for good measure.

Johnny still interrupted them after that, but only occasionally.

  


* * *

  


Jaehyun had a few proud moments in his life.

He won a ton of badminton matches when he was a kid. When he was eleven he came in second in the Maryland state spelling bee. He was on the news once cause he was volunteering as an English tutor to refugees, they even interviewed him as the youngest volunteer, and everyone in his family watched that segment and told him how well he did.

None of those proud moments could even compare to how proud he felt the first time he brought Mark to an orgasm. Mark rested his head on his chest, panting, his arms wrapped around Jaehyun, nails digging into his back. They fit together just so well. Mark then kissed him, hungrier than before, ended the kiss with a smile, still trying to catch his breath.

This was exactly what Jaehyun was meant to do.

  


* * *

  


Mark was the one who said it first.

They were in Jaehyun’s room, a late Tuesday evening, and they were doing the workbook exercises for Italian class, 101 and 301. Mark was on the bed, Jae was behind his desk, both of them concentrated on the work they had in front of them.

There was nothing special about the evening. Mark came to Jaehyun’s work a few hours before the bakery closed, they chatted with their friends, walked to the apartment, had some of the soup Taeyong had made along with some leftover savory croissants from the bakery, then retreated to the room. Everything was ordinary.

It was sudden too. It was the last thing Jaehyun expected. He felt it, sure, but he didn’t want to say it yet, he was slightly afraid that it would be too soon, and that it would drive Mark away.

“Jae.”

“Yeah?”

“Are you done with the textbook work?” Mark asked him.

“Yes, I’m just going over the exercises again to check if I made any mistakes. You?”

“I’m done too.”

“That’s great.”

“Jae?” Mark prompted for his attention again, and this time Jaehyun turned around to face him, “I love you,” Marks said.

Jaehyun couldn’t help but smile.

“I love you too.”

  


* * *

  


“I have always hated Halloween. I can’t believe what I’m doing for love,” Mark said and winked at Jaehyun.

“You hate Halloween,” Jaehyun repeated with disbelief in his voice.

They were sitting in the living room with their friends, and with the holiday coming up the subject naturally came up.

“I lived in bumfuck Maine, I didn’t really have where to trick of treat. It was just a letdown, every year. It was better the first year in high school, cause it was the town over and there were more people and it was new… and then _that_ became shit.”

“Mark Lee, I’m going to change your opinion on Halloween,” Jaehyun promised.

“No one wants to see you succeed more than I do, love. I really hope you do.”

“So what are we going as? Do you wanna do puns? Do you wanna do a couple’s costume. Do you wanna do some nerdy shit?”

“I don’t want to do anything lame.”

“That train left the station when you started dating him,” Johnny said to Mark, swinging his head towards Jaehyun.

Jaehyun rolled his eyes. Mark narrowed his, with something else in mind

“You let him kiss you with that mouth?” he turned to Yuta.

“Depending on his mood. I might not tonight.”

“Hey.”

“Dial it the fuck down. Don’t interrupt people’s heart to heart,” Yuta said.

“They’re not people, they’re our friends,” as Johnny spoke his voice got gradually lower. Almost like, this time, not even he could believe the stupidity of what was coming out of his mouth.

  


* * *

  


Things went smoothly. Things never stopped going smoothly.

Jaehyun couldn’t believe his luck most of the time. Mark was everything he wanted. Mark gave him everything he needed. He was the first and last thought in Jaehyun’s mind.

He was starting to think about the future. About life with Mark because he made him feel a confidence he didn’t have before, a sense of belonging. He was his chosen family. Family he never wanted to lose.

  


* * *

  


The thing about having a boyfriend that you love and are in a committed relationship with is that you get accustomed to having him around, Jaehyun realized. It was the first time that he experienced that, as he had never been in an actual committed relationship that everyone knew about, though he had been in many flings behind the high school gym. That was why at first, it caught him unprepared, even with everything else that lead up to it and he should have seen as a big fucking clue. He missed Mark when he wasn’t with him. Sometimes he missed him even when he was.

Thanksgiving was the first time that they went a day without seeing each other. Jaehyun went home for the holiday while Mark stayed in the city. It was freaking weird if he was being honest. Jaehyun spent more time texting Mark than he did talking to his cousins, but if he was being honest he always hated his cousins, so it wasn’t like he was going to talk to them that much either.

“If you’re going to do that all Christmas too, you should just bring your boyfriend with you,” his mom said, catching him smiling at his phone for the nth time that day, “If he doesn’t go home for Christmas too, then you two should be here. I’d love to meet him. We all would.”

“I’ll let you know.”

“Make sure that you do.”

  


* * *

  


Jaehyun didn’t realize exactly how much he missed Mark during that weekend they spent apart until they were both in the same room and Mark was hugging him like they had been apart for months.

“We were talking the entire time, but it’s different when you’re actually here,” Mark said, his forehead resting against Jaehyun’s shoulder, his arms tightly around his body.

“I know bub. I know,” he returned, allowing his hand to rub circles into Mark’s back.

“And we’ll have to do it again in a month.”

“We don’t have to. You could come with.”

“Should I? Isn’t it too soon?” he asked, looking up at Jaehyun with the tiniest hint of a pout across his lips.

“You’re more than welcomed to. If you’re not going home, that is.”

“I don’t know yet if I’m going home or not. I need to talk to my family. Probably not, so maybe I’ll come with you.”

“Okay,” Jaehyun smiled at Mark’s news. He then leaned down and kissed him, while sending a small prayer to whoever was listening in the universe that going home for Christmas with Mark would happen.

  
  


A week later and a decision has been made.

“My parents are going with my brother to my future sister-in-law’s. There will be a lot of wedding talk going on, so I’m not obligated to go with them. I can come with you.”

“You’re sure? They won’t be mad?”

“Nope. There won’t be enough room for me in the car anyway. My dad was kind of relieved that I have other plans. But they do want to meet you next time they’re in town. And you’re invited to the wedding.”

  


* * *

  


There was a routine in place, there always was. Jaehyun felt comfortable with routines.

Taeil was reading a Stephen Hawking book on the couch, and Taeyong was sitting on the floor, smiling at his phone, most likely texting Doyoung. Jaehyun was on the couch too, next to Taeil, almost mimicking his position as his own nose deep in Il fu Mattia Pascal for Lit class. A typical Thursday evening for everyone. Well, maybe Taeil being the exception, cause Jaehyun had never seen him being so interested in such a book.

Everything seemed normal. Everything seemed to be going great in fact. It was Christmas in a week, and Jaehyun was taking Mark to meet his family.

“Hold up.”

The words are said quickly and loudly, Taeyong’s voice echoing confusion.

“What?” Taeil responded.

“When did we become such middle aged men?”

“Sorry?”

“You’re introducing your boyfriend to your mom. You’re reading a non-fiction book for pleasure. And I’m texting my boyfriend while sitting on the floor cause my back hurts. What happened to us?”

“Well, we were never really into partying all that much,” Jaehyun piped up.

“Speak for yourself,” Taeil said, “I did my share of work all day party all night before college, I came here to get away from that shit.”

“We should go out,” Taeyong said, determined.

“Nah, I have to get through this one, you know it’s Freeman’s favorite, I don’t want to get on her bad side,” Jaehyun excused himself.

“Count me out too. All I did today at my internship was copy and arrange the documents for the divorce settlement. Every time I got done with the copies those two crazies added something else that I had to type up, print, copy and arrange again. I was running around the firm all afternoon. I’m beat,” taeil explained.

“I guess it’s not such a good idea, you’re both right. It’s not really going to achieve anything,” Taeyong then said, “I’m starting to feel old with all these new responsibilities I have.”

“Yeah, that’s what being an adult is,” Taeil offered him a soft smile, “On the positive side, you seem to have most things figured out.”

“Like what?”

“Roof over your head, a job lined up, a hot dude that’s more importantly a decent person _and_ is interested in you. Supportive parents. Unlike mine,” Taeil listed, “Look, I know it’s not easy, but you’ll cope, dude. We’ll be here to help. We have each other, our own happy family. And you have Doyoung too.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll be fine. Once my back stops killing me.”

“Go to the furniture store downstairs before they close, Jungwoo’s at work, he’ll let you sit in one of the massage chairs for a cup of coffee,” Jaehyun suggested.

“Great idea.”

“See, we have your back.”

  


* * *

  


“Do I look okay?”

Mark stood in front of him in jeans, a white dress shirt with a navy blue sweater on top. A slightly formal snacc, that’s how Jaehyun wanted to put it, but he wasn’t sure if that description would be enough to calm down Mark. He was nervous. Jaehyun was too, he had never introduced his family to a boyfriend, mostly because he didn’t have a serious boyfriend to introduce them to. But still, he wasn’t really sure how that thing worked, and he was betting on his mom making sure Mark was comfortable.

“Perfect,” Jae said, his lips quirking into a smile.

“No, don’t do that. I’m meeting your family. It’s important that I look proper.”

“Proper? Bub, we’re not in a Jane Austen novel.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Trust me. If we didn’t have to go, I’d be undressing you right now.”

“Good. That’s what I was going for. I mean, I wasn’t sure if the shirt would fit me or not, cause I borrowed it from Haechan. But it surprisingly worked out. You can’t see how large it is on me cause of the sweater.”

“Looks good.”

“Should I keep the shirt out, or tuck it in?”

“Keep it out. You’re meeting my mom, not the queen of England.”

“You’re not a prince? This is news to me,” Mark said, beaming his beautiful smile at Jaehyun. And Jaehyun wished he could repeat himself without embarrassing himself, and at the same time cancel all their plans. If only they didn’t have to go.

  


* * *

  


The four hour bus ride turned out to be worth it. Even with all the panic that Jaehyun felt, the worry he and Mark shared, things really panned out well in the end. His family didn’t make a huge deal out of it, they were pleasant with Mark, they didn’t ask questions that were intrusive, they made him feel welcomed. Jaehyun could feel him slowly relax and feel more comfortable, it made Jaehyun relax too.

Mark even hit it off with his cousins, which Jaehyun thought was actually impossible to do, for anyone, let alone someone Jaehyun was dating. His mom showed Mark pictures of when Jaehyun was a kid, everyone told stories of memories Jaehyun had worked so hard to suppress. They made them feel like they belonged, together, and also in the family. It was quite a normal day.

They did belong together, the last year was evidence of that. And Mark would from now on belong to this family, too.

  
  


“He’s a bit young,” his mom said. They were in the kitchen, Jae was helping clean up after dinner, helping do the dishes, while Mark was wrapped in another conversation with Jaehyun’s cousins, “Maybe it cause I always thought you went for older boys. But he’s really nice, polite. Seems to be raised well. I’ll have to get to know him even better, but so far he seems to have a good character,” she listed and paused before adding, “I’m really happy for you Jaehyun. You’re so much happier.”

“I really am, mom,” Jaehyun admitted.

“Have you met his family?”

“I’m meeting them after New Years.”

“Okay. Call me afterwards to tell me how it went. I really hope it goes well.”

“I do too. I will, I promise.”

A happy silence built between them, broken only by the rare clack of freshly washed dishes being set aside.

“No funny business tonight,” his mom then said.

“No ma’am,” Jaehyun promised with a smile.

  


* * *

  


Having Mark in his home, in his actual childhood room, was quite surreal. In a good way. He was showing him a side of himself that he had never showed before. It was different with his room in the apartment, he kept it clean, tidy, everything had its own place cause it wasn’t Jaehyun’s exactly, the guys would probably have to move some day in the not so distant future. But his room in his parents’ house, this was all Jaehyun’s. It was him in every corner.

For maybe half an hour Mark walked around the room, absorbing every detail, going over all the photographs and knickknacks that just sat there, collecting dust between Jaehyun’s visits. He asked questions, learning stories about friends Jae had lost contact with, about how things were once upon a time. If they were in Mark’s childhood room, Jaehyun would be doing the same, he’d also be getting to know the person Mark used to be. That was exactly why he let him see this side of him.

  
  


They left the gift exchange as something to do at the end of the night, privately. Jaehyun bought Mark this quirky little lamp that they saw when they were out window shopping one evening, months ago. Mark seemed to really love it, he mentioned it a few times, and even went back to the store to buy it after he saved up enough money. But it was sold in the meantime, to Jaehyun.

The surprise on Mark’s face when he opened the box and saw what it contained was exactly what Jaehyun was going for.

“I can’t believe you. I was so bummed out when I found out they sold it, and I complained to you, but you didn’t tell me.”

“Some secrets are better kept saved.”

“This better be the only secret you have,” Mark said with a playful tone, then he smiled before adding, “Thank you. I love it.”

“I’m glad.”

“Open yours.”

Jaehyun was unnecessarily careful with the wrapping paper, mostly because it was something that he wanted to keep, but also because he was nervous, and excited, and the jittery butterflies in his stomach were going crazy. It was the first gift Mark had given him, and his mind was making sure that he didn’t forget that. This was fucking it.

He unwrapped the paper to reveal something that he meant to get, but he just hadn’t yet. He might have mentioned it once, as something that he might want, but he was also pretty sure that he never did mention it. He didn’t see it as too urgent. There was rent, and bills, and of course he needed money for the classes, and books and random shit.

He had the book in English. He was going to get it in Italian soon.

But Mark got it for him.

Il Canzoniere, Francesco Petrarca. Italian edition. Full edition, not just a handful of selected poems. The whole entire fucking thing.

He was so screwed. He would never top this gift. He would never be able to let go of Mark either.

“Bub…”

For the second time in his life Mark Lee had rendered him speechless.

“I noticed you only have it in English. I also noticed how worn out your copy is.”

“Mark…”

“What? Did I fuck up?”

“No. Not at all. This is perfect. Thank you so much,” Jae said, quickly rising to his knees so he could reach and kiss Mark.

Everything about the day was perfect, about their relationship.

He could only hope that it would never stop being perfect.

  


* * *

  


“Since when do you not celebrate special occasions?” Taeyong asked.

“I do celebrate. I just don’t feel like it tonight.” Taeil returned, wrapping his duvet even tighter around himself.

They understood. But Taeyong still insisted.

“But it’s New Years Eve.”

“I’m pretty sure the new year is going to arrive whether or not Taeil waits for it,” Jaehyun said.

“Exactly. Besides, I’ve been reading this book by this theoretical physicist, and basically time isn’t real. So… What’s the point of it anyway.”

It wasn’t like it was not a bummer. The party would be fun, but even more fun with Taeil there. But Jaehyun got it. Taeil could handle having a boundary between him and Haechan when they hung out. But everyone also knew that drunk Taeil wouldn’t be able to handle that. That’s what Taeil was trying to avoid, being drunk around Haechan. Only thing Jaehyun didn’t know was whether or not Haechan would like the idea of Taeil staing away.

  
  


As suspected, Haechan didn’t even say hi before he went right to the subject.

“Where’s Taeil?”

“He’s at home. He didn’t feel like coming out tonight,” Taeyong answered, and Haechan’s expecting smile turned into a frown almost instantly.

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Jaehyun nodded.

“You think so?” Haechan’s tone was borderline angry.

“Do you want to ring the doorbell, or do you want Jaehyun’s keys?” Mark asked his roommate.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Jaehyun attempted, but Haechan had an answer to that too.

“I don’t like it when you think. Keys, please.”

Just as Jaehyun was about to reach into his pocket, Taeyong intervened.

“Here. There are Taeil’s. I took them officially by mistake, between us, on purpose. You should go return them,” Taeyong explained and handed them to Haechan.

The thank you as barely audible as he was already well on his way.

  


* * *

  


Meeting Mark’s family was nerve-wracking. Jaehyun could feel his heart bursting out of his chest at moments, even when it calmed down he could still feel his heartbeat in the back of his throat.

But at the same time it wasn’t too scary. He had Mark there. And Marl did this for him, of course Jaehyun wanted to do the same. He made sure that he was careful and pleasant. He made sure that Mark’s family would accept him in the end.

  
  


“Well, I just got a stern talking to,” Mark announced that evening.

Jaehyun went to brush his teeth before bed, leaving Mark alone in his room with some privacy as he had just received a call from his dad. The verdict was going to be out soon. He didn’t want to be there for it. He’d rather hear it paraphrased.

“What did you do?”

It couldn’t be good news if that was the reaction, now could it.

“I hid you for four months, that’s the issue.” Oh. That was… good. Actually good news. “They like you. Some even like you too much. Did you see how she was eyeing you?” he explained, remarking at the end.

“I did. It’s a bit embarrassing for her,” Jaehyun smiled.

“And for my brother. Let’s not forget that I’m better than him in this situation. You only had your eyes on me, and he’s the one that’s getting married.”

“Let’s not forget that,” Jaehyun laughed, coming nearer to his boyfriend.

Mark was smiling back, spreading his arms for a celebratory hug.

“The scary bit that some couples avoid for years is over, now we can just enjoy,” Mark said.

And he was right.

They could enjoy now.

  


* * *

  


It was over year later, after a very tense exchange that neither of them called a fight, over Jaehyun being distant, and only fueled by the stress Jae felt about finding a decent job for after college, that Jaehyun made the most important decision of his life.

He was still as panicked as ever. He was also afraid. He worked so hard to get where he was and it seemed like that work wouldn’t be rewarded. It seemed like things were slipping away from him. It seemed like Mark was slipping away from him.

It was just hours prior, in the heat of it all that Mark told him that it didn’t matter. He worried too. About Jae’s future, about his too. But they would make it through. Things happen, just because you go after something never means you’ll catch it. Stressing about it won’t help. Stress isn’t a solution for anything. Mark then said he wouldn’t be going anywhere, no matter what.

They lied in bed, wide awake, with their backs to each other for maybe the first time ever. Jaehyun felt defeated, he felt like he was ruining things. In his mind he was holding onto Mark’s promise, and coming up with an apology, a way to fix things. That was all he could do.

“I' vidi Amor che ' begli occhi volgea soave sí, ch'ogni altra vista oscura da indi in qua m'incominciò apparere.”

Mark’s voice was quiet, soft, but it was also the clearest it had ever been. Jaehyun knew exactly what he meant. He let a silence build between them again, allowing the words to soak into his body before he turned around to face him and spoke.

“I’m sorry. You were right. You are right.”

“I go wherever you go. I think it’s time that got through that pretty head of yours.”

“No. You need to finish school.”

“Duh. We’ll figure it out, Jae. You’ll hear from the schools soon, and the publishing houses. Someone out there needs your knowledge. When my turn comes, the same will happen for me, someone will need mine. Just stop worrying, I hate seeing you under so much stress. I hate when I can’t help you with it,” Mark said finally, slowly scooting closer to Jaehyun, then laying his head on his shoulder and wrapping his arm around his waist. Just where it belonged.

Mark was right. Whatever happened, at least they had each other. That was the future Jaehyun wanted. And Mark wasn’t going anywhere. He was never going to let him, because Jaehyun decided.

  
  


He heard about a job just four days later. From three places. A publisher downtown wanted to have him translate both from and to Italian. A languages school from New Jersey offered him a position. The last offer was from Taeil, the firm he started to work at needed translations too, he had heard and he had an in. The last one wasn’t even part time, instead they would keep him on retainer and the pay was quite nice. Jae wanted to teach, but he was even better at translating, so those were the jobs he picked.

“Now that your job is settled all you have left to do is marry me.”

Mark’s comment was made that same day over a lunch break, nonchalantly, right before he sipped from his coffee. They had talked about marriage, and having a life, and the longer they were together, the more certain it was. He then smiled, and immediately changed the subject, because it was just a playful comment after all, and it didn’t really mean anything.

Luckily, Jaehyun had made up his mind, he had already started planning.

He was absolutely going to marry Mark.

**Author's Note:**

> i nabbed the phone number off some website i found on google, i don't know if it's in use and who owns it, so obviously do not call it.  
> the italian excerpt is il canzoniere by francesco petrarcha, poem 144. you can find the entire poem [here.](https://www.poetryintranslation.com/PITBR/Italian/PetrarchCanzoniere123-183.php#anchor_Toc10863133)
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/newct127)  
> [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.qa/newct127)


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